be good I don't know Macedonia for a week but I was suggesting maybe the two of us could go

out for the day to Skopje or something and leave Anna with the grandparents

spend their time together yeah okay

okay so is that in the Sputnik holiday going there yeah half time yeah okay yeah I don't know

I mean it is strange because I feel like I work in change and I deliver change all the time but

I just can't well I don't know if it's just me but we don't seem to be able to find the energy and

I don't know what it is motivation to to talk and to change things

I guess it's not so much talking we've talked about things that sometimes it feels

repeatedly I think it's more that we maybe disagree on certain things

and we I don't know what is it it's coming to point of you just have to accept the way things are

like well I think you're saying your basic differences are the problem as well

well it's because you have different opinions on certain aspects

we really do even because

we do agree okay one of the big things was having a baby and I do agree with that now

okay still is that something that you will slightly

still try again slightly reluctantly still but I understand how important it is so

for the time when we have important it is I'm looking for jobs if I get a job I

cannot do that for another year at least it's like okay

I'm very upset about it and I'm trying to think of it and I'm just focusing all my time I'm almost

every day just in the evenings trying to if I'm not falling asleep I'm trying to you know look

at jobs and stuff like that yeah it seems to me sometimes I think if it is when you think about

the baby or I don't know what you get very down sometimes for days at a time and it's very hard to

even talk and I do literally keep trying keep away

because you just get a very every little thing gets you angry

when a bit snappy and I know I used to be like that a lot of the time but I feel

I don't feel like that at all anymore myself I feel calm even if things aren't great

but it's difficult to talk at all when you're very tense and it affects both me and Anna

it just sounds like there's downsides in looking for a new job

um because you feel that you won't be able to um having the child the next year yeah well of course

but I don't know I just my I feel overwhelmed at the moment I just feel that nothing is going

the way it's supposed to and just my brain just keeps switching from focusing on one thing to

completely going the opposite way like some days I'm completely desperate to have a baby and to

feel that and to and feel desperate and upset about the way things have gone and that anger

and like you know maybe resent toward venom of why did we get to this point and give it a trial early

and then other days I can try and just forget about that and focus on my job and think oh I

should just try and change something you know we don't even have the money now that's another

problem I have to worry about I mean I don't have money to go ahead you don't have any money you're

full of debt and I don't have savings at the moment to try for another baby and it's really upsetting

for me i think that's why i'm snappy with you because i feel like it's because of you that

we are in this position and i just can't do anything about it and i'm just angry what can i

do and it's i know it's under i think that's why maybe i try and avoid it because what can we say

about that you know it is what it is i can't i don't know the finances are a problem um for your

um emotional life and for obviously practically yes if you have to pay mortgage and everything

else yes a big problem but the baby is not impossible