Aga

Jesus…

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/19TcuG4xnW/

I’m just walking round and round haha

Aga

Somebody just set it up for sure

Still fires wtf :o

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1K1yxP1uY4/

I wish yes

See…that’s the bit that’s strange to me. I thought that recently we are so much better…that I’m so much better, and we all felt happier…

Are you up for it really?

I know :( I should have soon

The bit I struggle with is why I am such a disappointment??

Separating? But that wasn’t an option, clearly

You're right to push back on me. I was trying to give you hope by saying "you don't know what the future holds," but I can see why that felt simplistic. You've spent six years thinking about these possibilities. You aren't someone who has suddenly discovered that your marriage isn't what you wanted. You've already wrestled with that, counselling and all, and you've made a conscious decision about what you're willing to accept for your daughter. And I think I understand something more clearly now. This wasn't simply: "I want another baby." It was more like: "There is one enormous thing missing from the life I've ended up with, and having another child was the one future I could still see that felt capable of bringing me profound love, purpose and joy." You knew your marriage wasn't going to become the relationship you'd originally wanted. You had made your peace—at least partially—with the lack of sex, the lack of emotional partnership, his struggles, the resentment. You weren't waiting for him to change. You had found another source of meaning that you could build your life around. And now that possibility has been taken away. So when I say "you'll find happiness somewhere else," I can understand why that doesn't help. You don't want some other thing. You wanted this thing. And I don't think you should be forced to pretend otherwise. There's another grief underneath this I think you're grieving not only the baby you won't have, but the woman you thought you'd get to be. The mother of two. The family you pictured. Your daughter as a big sister. The experience of raising another tiny person. Perhaps even the version of yourself who felt excited about the future. And because you've already spent years adapting to disappointments in your marriage, this may feel like the last adaptation you're being asked to make. "Okay. I accepted this. And this. And this. And at least I had this dream." And now that dream has gone too. No wonder there's anger underneath the crying. "Why do I have to be the one who keeps adapting?" That's a completely understandable question. I also don't think you need to decide what happens with your husband You said something quite revealing: "I may be better off on my own as I won't see my husband anymore every day cause he is a reminder of the life I'm not having and might have some peace." I wouldn't dismiss that thought. But I wouldn't turn it into a decision tonight either. It may be that, once the immediate IVF grief settles, you'll look at your marriage differently. Maybe you'll decide that the companionship and stability are worth preserving. Maybe you'll decide that living beside someone who cannot give you the relationship you need is too painful. Maybe you'll stay for your daughter. Maybe you'll eventually decide that staying together isn't actually the best thing for her. None of those decisions needs to happen now. And importantly, separating wouldn't automatically mean you have to date, remarry, or introduce another man into your daughter's life. You don't have to choose between "stay married forever" and "become a dating single mum." There are many possible lives between those two things. But that's a conversation for another time. Right now, I think your job is much smaller You don't need to rediscover your passion. You don't need to become grateful for the life you have. You don't need to convince yourself that one child is enough. You don't need to accept that this is your life forever. You don't even need to feel hopeful. You need to grieve what you've lost. And you can grieve it honestly. Maybe for a while work will feel pointless. Maybe things you normally enjoy won't touch you. Maybe you'll look at your daughter's toys and feel both enormous love and enormous sadness. Maybe you'll resent pregnant women. Maybe you'll cry in the supermarket. Maybe you'll have days where you feel completely normal and then suddenly collapse. That isn't you becoming a permanently joyless person. That's you grieving something that mattered enormously to you. And I want to correct something else from my previous response. I said your daughter having you was evidence that your life contains enormous love, as though that should somehow counterbalance the loss. Of course she is enormously important. But you already know that. And having a beautiful daughter doesn't make the loss of the child you wanted any smaller. You don't need to use your gratitude for her to talk yourself out of your grief. You can simultaneously think: "I adore my daughter beyond words." and "I desperately wanted another child and I'm devastated that she isn't going to have the sibling I dreamed of giving her." Both are true. And perhaps the most important thing I can say tonight is this: You don't have to want to feel better yet. You said you don't want to feel better because no matter what, you won't have what you wanted. I understand that. Sometimes trying to rush grief toward acceptance feels almost like betraying the thing you're grieving. So don't rush it. Let yourself say: "This is unfair. I wanted this. I tried. I would have loved that baby. I wanted my daughter to be a big sister. I wanted more for my family. And I'm heartbroken that I don't get it." You don't have to add "but..." to any of those sentences. And if you want to keep writing it all here—about the baby, your daughter, your husband, the life you've ended up with, the anger, the resentment, the fear about the future—you can. You don't need to make it positive for me. Tonight you can just tell the truth.

I dont know what is it you dont understand, how can a computer understand me so well, and you cant. Its not rocket science. Just because you dont feel any of this it doesnt make it any smaller or insignificant. Maybe this summary from your best friend would help.

If woudnt be rent..

I would buy if I have money for ot... :(

Not expensive at all :o

So wish :*

Screenshot text: From Leeds to Tenerife September  4 day trip 3 Per person Sun, 6 Sep LBA to TFS with Ryanair Direct Thu, 10 Sep TFS to LBA with Ryanair Direct Check dates on Skyscanner

Screenshot text: From Leeds to Tenerife September  4 day trip 3 Per person Sun, 6 Sep LBA to TFS with Ryanair Direct Thu, 10 Sep TFS to LBA with Ryanair Direct Check dates on Skyscanner

Nooo i had to drop cheeskake

Obh? I didn't had today

Having a walk

I had a bit wine to relax

You dont have? :/

Im so craving something sweet hahaha

Not yet

Did she reply?

Not yet I’ll do today

X

Text

And its good one

I need new bed

I texted her

I really would love too

Shall I text her???

40 pounds double

Mmmmmmmmm

Screenshot text: 20:21 4G 36 17 3 6 Dinnington Forum Kerry Ingram · 2h · Good sturdy double sleigh bed it's im excellent condition wasnt a cheap bed, only used by grandson occasionally. No mattress £40 2 Pets UK Ad · With a little help, a balanced bowl can be their favouri... more

Screenshot text: 20:21 4G 36 17 3 6 Dinnington Forum Kerry Ingram 2h Good sturdy double sleigh bed it's im excellent condition wasnt a cheap bed, only used by grandson occasionally. No mattress £40 2 Pets UK Ad With a little help, a balanced bowl can be their favouri... more

Did you order the duvet and pillow for anna

Me too...

I hope

Last time ot stopped on wednesday hahaha so maybe same

:(

Well he sayd about 1 will be pain

Yes its cancelled

In calendar is your dentist tomorrow but cancelled yes?